My grandmother was a gatherer.
Being at her table was nourishing for the body — she liked to say she never met a bean she didn’t like, and man, she made some mean beans! — and the soul. At Grandma’s table I knew belonging, joy, and peace. I always left her gatherings with my spirit filled with stories, better equipped to meet the world from a place of wholeness.
I’ve recently been reminded of the power of convening by DeAmon Harges, known as the Roving Listener of Indianapolis, who says, “Find the hosts in your neighborhood. These are the healers.”
Those who know how to bring people together across difference, in dialogue, in communion, are people who wield transformative power for good.
Yet the power of convening is hugely underestimated. We are social creatures; we congregate, often without considering why. Facilitator Priya Parker wrote a whole book about becoming a more intentional host, called The Art of Gathering. She names as “the first step in convening people meaningfully: committing to a bold, sharp purpose.” The why of gathering profoundly shapes the way we gather. We can become curious about why we are choosing to convene others: Are we seeking to pass on family traditions, to build trust, to honor a transition, to discover the gifts of our community, to strategize together on a plan? When we clarify our purpose in convening people, we can begin to create gatherings that begin to powerfully enact social change even as we dream about it together.
The art of gathering is as strategic as it is spiritual. The way in which we gather ourselves spiritually lays a foundation for our social gatherings. The poet Rumi writes about the healing work of welcoming the many emotions that knock on the door of our spirit each day (you may remember this poem — it serves as a guide for dancer and Soulful Revolutionary Gabby Rivero in her work with her company Express & Release):
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
In welcoming our feelings as guests, healing finds a home. We learn to respond to our emotions not as threats but as guides who have something to teach — a nonviolent practice that will transform the way we gather with others too. As we learn to live with the emotions that pass through us, seeing them as invitations to learn, grow and be changed, we can also learn to live with those whom we gather, finding shared purpose together with some, letting others continue on to their next destination.
I wonder… What is a why compelling you to convene others? What is a why that motivates you to welcome the feelings that temporarily occupy your heart? Have you experienced the art of gathering as spiritual practice? Or as strategic? How can you lean into the work that is less familiar to you this week?
P.S. Coldplay featured a lovely excerpt of this poem on their Head Full of Dreams album.
Great essay! My aunt Nancy has the gift of hosting - anyone feels welcome in her home. That’s something I strive to have and provide. Such an awesome gift.
I love this, Lauren. The "why of gathering"....this helps me. I will be pondering this today! Thank you for your words. :) Love, Patti